“Know My Name” by Chanel Miller
[TW: SA]
For over a year she was known as “Emily Doe”, “the victim” and the “unconscious intoxicated woman”, but she has a name: Chanel Miller.
One Saturday night in January 2015 Miller had planned to stay home but eventually changed her mind when her sister Tiffany invited her to go with her and her friends to a fraternity party at Stanford University. Her sister was home for the weekend and would be going back to school the next day, so it seemed like a good idea in order to spend more time with her.
Some time around midnight Miller was sexually assaulted by Brock Turner, a then 19-year old Stanford student, and after that her life was never the same.
Starting with her recollections from that day and the morning after, when she woke up on a gurney at a hospital, “Know my Name” is Miller’s memoir about that night and the excruciating months that followed the assault. She vividly describes waking up with dried blood on her hands and pine needles in her hair, and with great detail walks the reader through those moments, the assault’s aftermath, and the seemingly endless months until the trial and the sentencing. She shares the pain, the suffering, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, and her family’s and boyfriend’s struggles with what became their unbearable reality.
Miller describes how she survived the humiliation of being thoroughly questioned about her lifestyle, of having explicit pictures of her medical examination shown at the trial, and the helplessness of listening to the “opportunities” her attacker would be missing if he went to jail. All of this while she and her loved ones were desperately trying to get through this nightmare and get their lives back together as best as they could.
Before writing this book and still as “Emily Doe”, in June 2016 her victim impact statement was posted on Buzzfeed, going viral in minutes and getting millions of views in just a few days. As a result, she received the support and encouraging words of thousands of people all over the world — including a letter from then Vice-President Joe Biden — and inspired some of the words of Hillary Clinton’s concession speech.
Due to its sensitive content, this is not an easy book to read. However, I read every single page holding my breath and with deep respect for Miller’s courage, resilience and strength. It is a testament of her right to have her voice heard, and her identity and side of the story known. It deals with important issues like alcohol, sexual assault, the justice system and the painful process that a victim and their loved ones go through when something like this happens.
The power of Miller’s words in her book is indescribable. I was impressed by the detail of her narrative, recognizing how painful it must have been for her to write it and relive that horrific period in her life. However, in writing this moving and breathtaking memoir and openly sharing this dreadful chapter in her life, she went from being Emily Doe and “the unconscious, intoxicated woman that was sexually assaulted behind a dumpster” to being Chanel Miller, a woman who has opened the door to sexual assault conversations and has become an example of resiliency and courage.